Christmas, and money, and such (SC)
It's dark and grey here, either freezing cold or pouring rain. I would like to go to a coffee shop, sit and read and be warm. Or I could imagine being one of the laughing girls buying presents.
They ask "are you going home for Christmas?" and I want to ask, "how in the hell could I?" How do all my fellow grad students fly home for Christmas? Do their stipends include funds for that?
Because yesterday I had $3.00 to my name, and I was deciding between laundry, gas money, and groceries. Tomorrow is just another day - dark, grey, only everything is closed.
You're supposed to work your way up. Start from the bottom of the socio-economic ladder and diligently pursue a better future. And I try desperately to have a good attitude. But sometimes I hate that it has to be this hard, and even more so, I hate that so many around me - who should be financially in the same place - seem to live a life of relative financial ease.
I usually have a good attitude, but perhaps because it's so miserable and cold and dark, because the people I love are far away - I really hate Christmas. I would have cancelled it this year if I could. At the very least, it would mean those of us who don't have wouldn't be constantly reminded of the fact.
Heartfelt - written in a moment of despair / frustration. The typical response to such a post on CL would be ridicule , insults and replies containing the word DOUCHEBAG atleast 7 times. So when I opened the next reply in the series, I was pleasantly surprised !
Re: Christmas, and such (SC)
A very nice gentleman replied with an offer of help, and I want him to know I'm grateful. I can't reply with my regular e-mail b/c it has my name on it, and this is a small town, so I could easily end up with my previous posting in the hands of someone in my department.
But thank you - your offer surprised me, to say the least. If it matters, my grandma is from Oklahoma, grew up during the depression and the dust bowl. And they all passed down this "poor but proud" attitude (which also equates to a sometimes overly stubborn refusal to accept charity/help).
Anyway, thank you. Sleep well.
RE:Christmas, and money, and such - (SC)
It's dark and grey here, either freezing cold or pouring rain. I would like to go to a coffee shop, sit and read and be warm. Or I could imagine being one of the laughing girls buying presents.
My fondest Christmas memories are not of Christmases of wealth, but of Christmases of poverty. That may sound silly, but you'll find as you grow older and people talk about good times, they always are talk of when they had little. Things like the tiny apartment they had when they first got married or the junk car they had when they first started driving and couldn't afford anything new. They'll tell such stories with laughter and go on to say those were the good old days.
My most memorable Christmas was many years ago when I found myself alone Christmas Eve doing laundry at a laundromat. That was a pretty depressing thing to do on Christmas Eve, but as I stood there feeling sorry for myself, I started to look around and I realized I was in what used to be an old train station (people familiar with Clearfield know which laundromat I am talking about). It was snowing outside with those giant feathery flakes and it was just so beautiful. I was staring out the window and I started to think about the people who used the train station in the past, they probably stood in the very spot I was in, looking out the window and watching for the train to arrive with their loved ones. I could imagine the excitement they were probably feeling and it brought a smile to my face. I didn't feel so lonely anymore even though there didn't seem to be a soul around the entire downtown area.
After many, many Christmases in my life, that Christmas Eve in the laundromat stands out the most, looking at the snow falling against the backdrop of the streetlights during a time when I had little money and no company.
I hope that somehow today you find your own little piece of Christmas joy, it's out there somewhere, you just have to go look for it.
It did bring out a smile and some cheer to me - and I somehow felt included in the holiday cheer !
So...Merry Christmas !!
whodasanta ? ;)
