Lies

I learnt to say them when I was a kid. When I was 5 yrs old, helping mom put the vegetables she had bought in the fridge....and when i ate one tomato....and mom asked, "what did you do? " And I replied back with my "oh-so-innocent eyes" and tomato juice dribbling down my mouth " Nothing Mummy".

I lied through school. I lied to teachers to save my skin at times.....lied to my parents when I went out onto the road for the first time with my cycle instead of remaining in the compound. That way, I learnt cycling. And I became very very good at it.

I used to be too full in Std 1. Couldn't complete my tiffin......so used to throw out mah rice! And tell mom, I ate. Obviously, someone's mom told my mom and I was caught out. Spanked. Never did it again. Throwing out the rice.......that is!

Std 2. I fell in love with a girl. Told m bench partner about it. She asks me " You are going to fall in love with Shweta no ? " (WE were in Std 2. Didnt know tenses / grammer too well). And I say " No. Am already in love with her". So bench mate tells Shweta, Shweta tells Mrs. Panjwani " Miss that boy loves me" and Mrs. P makes me stand up and says " You come to school to learn or fall in love ? " Being a conscientious student, this made me say " To study , Miss" If I had lied....izzat bachti.

Std 4. Std. 5. Std 6. All through school.........and at home, petty things were lied for and about. Everyone does it. I know.

Std 11. I got hitched. Lied to mommy and pops....she's just a good friend. Lied to classmates....arre, I have some work. But I never lied to her !

Std 12. I lied to myself. Said that this r'ship is more important than my IIT studies. Studies happen...always.

Good lie : it taught me a lot about etiquette...being polished, courteous....the finer nuances neccesary.

FY Mech Engg : Lied to college friends.......am goin home........while I obviously went out to meet her and be with her.

SY Mech Engg: Lied to college friends......fewer in number now: am going out. Well, it was a half truth.

Then in the latter half of SY Mech, I realize I was being lied to. That hurt. I tried to not lie from then on. Didnt happen.

Then as the year progressed, lies upon lies were being heaped upon me. I realized what it means to be lied to. I stopped. I made efforts to be honest.

Final Year Mech Engg: I was completely honest. Honest with my friends, my profs. So my friends complemented me for my honesty......and I got a kick on mah ass. My prof acted weird, made me pay the price for being honest in telling him that I will be 5 minutes late in meeting you sir. He made me run around like crazy for months for what he was going to do. I get honest with people these days with my feelings or expectations. I've heard stuff about me from them...that's not very pleasant. People play Chinese Whispers.

So lies serve me well, at the others' cost. Truth gives me instantaneous exalted status, but screws me later on. What to do ? Lie and hurt others? Be selfish ? Or keep gettin jacked yourself?

I began at 5. I learnt at 21. This is what they call politics.

love,

whodunthistruenfalse?

Why I did this

Why did I create a blog? I, who told someone a few days back....I don't like to make my thoughts public....they are for my personal consumption. I, who has never maintained a diary. I, who never wrote essays in school (I used to opt for stories....I was pretty good at that! ).


Its mainly for introspection.....so that I can pen my thoughts on paper (keyboard - we need to update our English usage and contexts !) and then read em whenever I feel like later......look upon them....in a sense, this is my first private diary...a public private diary! This is a paradox.....and I love them.......because they make life so interesting....! In fact, a lot of life is a paradox , or something to that effect!! For example, in the previous sentence I used "In fact". Have I proven the fact? No. Is it a fact? Its relative. But that's a paradox!! Facts are facts....they can't change!


And I love this flow of words............its a rush for me to think that I may be able to open blogspot when I am 60....show my grandkids (if they are interested...) what their grandpa used to do when he was 21....and alone at home at night, listening to songs given to him that evening by someone who he met online 6 months ago, and has become very very close to.......


Its a rush thinking......"grandpa!! what shit you wrote! " or "grandpa.....u wrote so well!! "


Why did I start this blog?? Because sometimes I get real good thoughts....and I would love sharing them with everyone! Like, I thought today: While you eat your food, concentrate only on what's in your mouth. Taste the flavours....figure out what is in your food.....don't think about your next bite! Attempt to take the next bite only when you've finished what's in your mouth. I extended the line of thought and realized.......its a good lesson for life! Live in the present, do what's presently on don't worry about the future!


Did I talk of paradox? The previous para, I talk about living in the present....and in the one above it, I talk about grandkids reading my blog, 39 years down the line!!!!!

love,

whodunthisblog